Dear Morrissey,

I love you. I don't care if some people don't really like yer new stuff I still think you are an angel. Iv'e been singing your praises ever since I got well depressed when I was younger and your lyrics made me laugh so hard I stopped crying. I am a little upset to find that you are now mentor to that american girl wot sang at your last gig because I didn't fink she was all that good and I wasn't the only one who thought that. Honest, look, couldn't you see? The crowd that largely retired to the bar for her set which was so loud you could hear it out there and then the rest who stood through the entire set looking completely unmoved. They didn't really show any appreciation or anything and anyway, someone just told me that you did a photo shoot with her sitting on your shoulders and that she said that she had always fancied you and liked having you between her thighs and, well, quite frankly I just didn't think that was very appropriate behaviour and I'd never have done that. Largely because I am very heavy and I'd hate to cause you any discomfort but secondly because, well, I dunno really but anyway never mind. I'd quite like you to be my "mentor" so that we could have a cup of tea in Camden and maybe I could visit Alan Bennett with you because I bet he would like me better than an american girl.

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Jeez I'm having a stupid fit today. I think its my hangover. Cheers Karen!!!! ;-D