Well well well.
West London was not in my lively spirit today as it tried to give me some major Friction....
Luckily for me, my super powers are running at a high level after the weekend and I am still smiling in the midst of a rather cruddy run. I did a load of stuff on my rather cool lil bike today, which ended up being nicked from my front garden within minutes of me popping indoors for some cash. It was hidden behind my wall for all of five minutes, and when I popped out and asked one of the fairly new air nosing yuppie neighbours who was working at the window to my right what had happened as it was amazingly gone, I was cooly told after that some kids had sneaked in and nicked it. She shut the window and carried on about her buisiness without even a blink. Nice. I popped down the police shop which is unusual for me but thought I'd report it just on the rare chance that it showed up dumped somewhere locally - I tell ya - that bike was far too cool for any chav to knock about on - one 'o them grim and oldfashioned 70's numbers that would look well wrong on anybody without a big personality and even bigger sense of humour. Anyway, standing in the cop shop waiting whilst some dumpy grinning lady pc had a twenty minute conversation with someone who was making her smile alot, in comes this rather narked looking very posh Indian man who proceeded to bang on the window of the door behind me (I'd been kindly buzzed into the second bit only to stand there like a lemon as before), to insist I come out at once. You - YES YOU. OUT HERE. YOU! I politely as poss told him to f*** off and carried on waiting. This went on for some time, until dumpy police lady came to take my little description of my ride whilst the Indian man kept on banging behind my head. She ignored him until I gave up, turned round and let the poor git say his piece which went something along the lines of do you know who I am and I would like to pick up a pen I left here 12 days ago immediately and I won't leave until I have it do you know I get chest pains and the like and I am a councillor and my time is precious etcetera and I really don't want to waste more time than neccesary in this station blah blah blah....
Dumpy pc lady then summons one of her senior officers over the tannoy who rushes out in seconds to put the "poor" chap at ease whilst I answered fourty or so questions about what colour eyes my purple monster bell on the handle bar had and how her computer said NO to the make of the bike and even heard all about dumpy pc lady's upset at having to be in the office when she really wanted to be over at the station she likes the best and what lovely colour hair I had an how unusual my name was etcetera etcetera before finally getting out of there wishing I'd never bothered to bloody ask.
I then sloped off up to the supermarket in Ladbroke Grove to do my overdue food shopping which was when the day went from bad to worse. Not only did a pair of very overgrown West London public schoolboys (late 30's) follow me from aisle to aisle discussing rather loudly the shape and size of my breasts but did some funny old bugger "bump" his trolley into mine to try and get my attention. I suppose I should have been glad it was just his trolley but come the fourth attempt I was beginning to lose my cool. Romance in the supermarket is not exactly an idea I am keen to embark on and at one point, between the three of them all colliding in my aisle at the same time and getting rather too close for comfort, I managed to drop a whole shelf full of fine wines in my attempt to grab one and make a dash for the counter. All this led to a right old pulaver and more tutting than I've had since I wore a rubber catsuit to the Covent Garden Opera House.Yep, the shit hit the fan big time. Well, not the fan, so much as my pink suede boots and my trouser legs as well as everybody else within reach. Excluding of course the boobie men who I would have liked to include but had gained their distance at once. Wouldn't like to get ones clothes dirty now would one....
So. I get to the counter and the missus in front's card gets refused and we have this huge long saga about what's going to happen and how she hasn't got a phone and blah blah blah and the West London posh boys are really trying my patience now by waiting near the exit working out what to say when I walk past and I'm getting well stressed. Then crazy hypo card woman uses my mobile whilst I rush my shopping through and then I peg it out of the shop - nose firmly in air and eyes fixed firmly on exit in my attempt to avoid the motherfuckers in my path and I get outside and I lose control of my trolley and some guy just opens his car door from out of nowhere in my path and I miss it by a centimetre and ah the pressure, then I realise the mad girl still has my brand new phone and I have to turn around and peg it back in to the dreaded place and oh I think you get the picture I can't be bothered to carry on with today's shenanigans but lets just say it wasn't the best day Iv'e ever had and I'm home and happy and, well, I'm looking forward to lying flat and starting again tomorrow!!!!
Off to Panic this week to finish 2 new tracks which sound great so far, so I'm flying about from now fairly franticly before jetting off with Rubbergirl for some seriously overdue R&R. Cor I can't wait!!!!
Back soon me darlins! XXXX
