Biogra-bloody-phy

Oh, what a chore. What a
bore indeed. I am currently happily doing a job alongside my music, writing a
book about my life and my experiences. I really enjoy it. Words come easily.
Feelings and thoughts flow onto the page like waves onto shore, sometimes gently
and sometimes crashing in with a great force. Never am I stuck for an experience
to write about.

I have been literally
hounded and this week put on the spot by being asked directly for information
about myself. (in the form of a press pack - mini biography)  and it
suddenly seems horribly difficult.

I'm not liking this. To
avoid being written off as a materialistic blonde eejit, I am forced to explain
myself. Being cast off is often the rushed moronic opinions people tend to fling
around when confronted with a visual contradiction such as mine apparently is.
Sexuality is so confusing and frightening for some people, they decide to rudely
intimate that to celebrate it you
must be a bimbo. .......;-) , Hence phrases like "she can't possibly write her
own songs", it's a scam, she must be up for it, she better dress down, no one
will take her seriously, etcetera.

 ZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzz.

 

 Having never
in fact approached one by myself I seem to have been dragged in to an awful lot of record
labels and companies/organisations of the creative type, especially of late.
Finding most of these experiences generally fairly uninspiring (apart from of
late ;-) ) I tend to try and avoid them.

Why? Because I find that
most people hate to be straight to the point about what they want or think. (not
my favourite human trait) Even worse, people will call you in because they LIKE
what you are doing, whilst in the same breath tell you that what you are doing
is not to their liking. (funny that?!)  I guess the fact that they are
moved enough to try and interfere means that they must be inspired by what I do
enough to comment.

 Moving, perhaps.
Desirable, no.

 Hours and hours of traipsing
about listening to complete strangers give me their unwanted opinions or test my
ability to appeal to or just humour them has become somewhat boring and
tiresome, so I have given it up. (More precious hours in my day are now spent on
my Chinese Harp or flouncing about in my new designs.) Which I COULD wear along
to said meetings to alleviate boredom but am guessing could be thought of as
re-enforcing the idea that I am most likely an M.B.E.
(*materialistic blonde eejit)

 

Moi?!

 

I find myself backed into a
corner this week where I actually believe that some of the people I am
considering working with might actually respond to me better if they DID
understand where the fuck I came from, why I do what I do, the fact that I write
all my own songs and have some important things to say and in fact am NOT an
M.B.E.

 I think I must deliver
these facts in a somewhat more soluble form than the undiluted one which is my
MUSIC. The temptation albeit very strong to just send a note saying "please see
photos and listen to lyrics, you fuckwit".

 How about a painting?
You know, when you are six you scribble your feelings onto the page and watch
people squeal with delight and post you on their walls and go "aaaah, she is
sooooo talented, so creative, just look at the thoughts that went into that"

blah blah blah....It's that un adulterated treat you have as a child to just see
things or hear things and express yourself as it comes. Without having to put it
into black and white or conform to any rules. In fact it is very difficult
indeed to put it into black and white when you have all those crayons of such
beautiful colours to play with!

You see why I am confused by
all this. I am tired of my very self being constantly questioned. I just cant help feeling that it isn't me that's missed the point. I
don't have to listen or answer to anyone or apologise for being me or looking
like I do! It's rubbish. I'm wonderful! And I'm not bashing on anyone's door to
show them how fabulous I am, they are bashing at mine!

I make music because it's
what I'm good at.  I am
extremely creative with a perhaps even slightly unnerving obsession for all
things beautiful. A passion for colour. Flair, sound, texture. Creativity in any
and every known form.  I act out fantasies, I create things that to me look
and sound beautiful.

 

 

I Love what I am doing. I
feel outrageously happy inspiring others by expressing myself in every way that
I can. I make them dance and smile and sing and feel good!

It makes me feel part of a
world I so often feel an outsider to.

There we have it. That's me
done. That is my very own mini biography for today. Off the cuff, extremely long
winded and missing all the appropriate points that are apparently necessary. Hahahhaha. 
I'm damn sure it'll never reach said desks that have asked for it (I've
delegated the job over to a kind writer friend who is laughing uncontrollably at
my notes as we speak) but it felt damn good to write it. Now I will have my cup
of tea and carry on doing what I do best. Finishing a new tune!

Ooh, a storm is coming! I
hope it's now't to do with summit I said.

Au Revoir my Lovely ones,
back soon!

XXXX